Confessions of a Server

To disrupt your regular programming, a quick blog post about what I do in my everyday life with a satirical (and okay... slightly obscene.. but that's restaurant life...) twist... enjoy.



Working at a restaurant is weird.

It's calling everyone "babe", "sweetie", "angel" or "hun". When, in real life, those words never escape your lips, nor would you call your lover those pets names - let alone your 300 lb line cook that you are begging to cook you some food because you've been working for 12 hours and feel like you are going to collapse. Guess what? He says no, but in twenty minutes you still have to charm him into putting your cutlery through the dishwasher.

Working at a restaurant is weird.

It's calling a woman "ma'am" when you are trying to get their attention because they are ready to order, but seemingly can't see you at the table, and will bitch about you if you keep them waiting. It's using the term "ma'am" and getting scowled out because now she thinks you are calling her old. Well, if you used "miss", she'd scowl at you because it seems out of place and perhaps snarky. In reality you are stuck, and all you want to say is "HEY LADY, ARE YOU FRICKEN READY TO ORDER?" But instead you stand there, fake smile plastered on your face, trying to get her attention.

Working at a restaurant is weird.

It's knowing regulars by name, some of them lecherous awful human beings that you wish you could just destroy with one glance, so that they would never saunter into your bar again and throw their arms around you like they fucking know you - because guess what, they don't. Others are nice, respectful, courteous but you still wonder why they spend more time here then with their wives and kids, and it just makes you feel sad for humanity and you just want to tell them to go home.

Working at a restaurant is weird.

It's slaving for tips, it's counting cash at the end of the night, it's feeling like shit or like cloud nine depending on how much money you can stow away in your wallet. It's silently cursing your owners and managers as you dole away a percentage of those tips to them. It's wanting to walk up to every table that ever tipped you like shit and explaining to them the concept of "house tip", and then throwing their pennies in their face.

Working at a restaurant is weird.

It's forming bonds with people you never would in your real life. It's sharing tears over a shift that wont end, it's having a full on mental breakdown and not having to apologies, it's bitching together about a table that called you something along the lines of incompetent-stupid-idiotic-dumb-pitiful, even though you have a Masters in an obscure language of which you are one of the only people in the world that can speak it. It's drinking too much with those people you work with, and it's regretting it in the morning when you realize you tipped them 50% because "that's just what industry people do." It's regretting it more as you stumble to work, hungover, with mascara smeared under your eyes, wondering if it's possible to drown yourself in hollandaise sauce and just end it all now.

Working at a restaurant is weird.

It's serving your friends from high school and having one of them ask you, "so do you have any job interviews lined up - in your respected field -?" It's the sinking feeling in your stomach because you know that they are insinuating you don't have a "real" job. It's the fact that even if you did have job interviews, they wouldn't pay as well as this and so you are stuck, in the mire and the filth of working so hard your soles form holes within a week, while your friends that have careers get their weekends and evenings off.

Working at a restaurant is weird.

It's having the worst day you've ever had, and wanting to crawl under the closest booth and rock yourself to sleep while you cry. Then, suddenly, a customer turns it all around - it's a compliment, a funny conversation, a great tip from an unsuspecting table, and your day is better, you go home, you wash your face, you go to sleep, and you pray to not have a serving nightmare that forces you awake at 4 am screaming "BEHIND YOU - I'M BEHIND YOU WITH A FULL TRAY."

Because, that's the truth of it, working at a restaurant is weird.

Comments

  1. I used to have nightmares from my days in the restaurants too -- I've worked both in the kitchen and out front and I can't really tell which I prefer. I think I always made more money out front. And that last point, where you can feel like you're two inches from the biggest meltdown of your life and one table says "hey, thanks" or something simple like that and all of a sudden everything's fine? So true. So bloody true. I wish more people understood how hard it is to wait tables.

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    Replies
    1. haha right there with ya sister - I feel like it should be mandatory for everyone to work in a service industry (ESPECIALLY one where you have to work for tips) atleast once in their lives!

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  2. Oh man, haha! I do not miss my days as a server. And I totally agree -- working at a restaurant IS weird, hahaha

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