A Life With Purpose

I will get back to happy-blogger-land soon, I promise. But for now, this version of me is what you get. Welcome. Pull up a chair.

Horses have always given me a purpose.



It began when I was 6 years old as a little blonde kid on a palomino pony named Peaches. It hasn't stopped.

When I was 18 years old, I began riding more seriously. It began with a woman I desperately admired giving me the chance to flag her cutting horse, and then putting me on colts. I had always ridden, but now I knew.. I knew what I wanted horses to feel like underneath me when I rode. I didn't quite know how to get there, but I knew that's what I wanted. Back then, people called me a natural, and I felt like one. I haven't felt like a natural in a long time - but that is a conversation for another day. I felt a purpose.

At this time I was working at a ranch, Bates Bar J Ranch, where I had literally grown up in the summers. The next year, I went from Camp Counsellor to Riding Leader. The summer after that, I was the appointed "Barn Boss." A role that was daunting, but that I sunk my teeth into. I am happy when busy, frazzled, running around, making sure everything is running smoothly. So therein, I found my purpose, in the walls of a big steel shed - surrounded by the chaos of kids, counsellors, and horses. I found my purpose.

When the ranch shut down, I mourned. I mourned a place like I had never mourned a place before. But, I knew I had to fight even harder. At this point I had my first horse, Jingle. We were working towards the finer points in life. I had began working for a cutting horse trainer, and shortly thereafter decided to embark on a 10 month trip to both Weatherford, Texas and Scottsdale, Arizona to work for two separate cutting horse trainers. I was worked to the bone, and dog tired, for a lot of it. But remember what I said - that is when I'm at my best. We were clocking miles hauling horses to shows that I had never thought possible. I was learning what being a loper meant. I was learning what showing cutting horses meant. I was learning what the world of showing horses was. Again, I was finding my purpose. In the 3 am mornings, sleepless nights, client relations, top show horses, ornery cows... all of it, I found my purpose.

Then, I came home, and could not get a visa to come back. I wandered through this (September 2014 until now) year like a dog that I had been kicked. I am working as a server at a restaurant, I'm not happy. I have no idea WHAT I want to be and WHERE I want to be. Then, like this shining ray of hope, I was offered Bunny. Now, I had a cutting horse, one that was professionally trained and ready to head down the path towards showing. Now, I had a purpose again. For the first time in 8 months, I felt alive again. Like I had learned how to breathe on my own again. Then, my purpose was taken away from me.

So, now what? A new horse... probably a little too soon, but definitely on the horizon. A new career... something that I definitely need, but I still don't know what that looks like or what it is. I want to work with, around or in the horse industry. I want to be successful enough that I have enough money in my bank account to go show. I love the world of showing, I love working with crazy horse people, I love client relations, I love writing, I love blogging and social media, I love working hard, I love a schedule. I'm an excellent communicator. All these things... I am good at. Sometimes, it is easy to forget what we are good at.

So now... I need to find a new purpose... and I'm just not sure what that is just yet. If you have any ideas, send them my way.

Comments

  1. Ugh that can be so hard - feeling completely lost and remembering that once you did feel driven and now you're floating around.

    I don't have any suggestions but my heart goes out to you.

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  2. Things are so much more intense when you are young. ( Says old me :0) ). I am thinking you could try working for the Calgary Stampede board- maybe public relations for the equine part? Or what about journalism? You've got the face for TV.

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